I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
