i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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