go do what you do best...puke behind churches
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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