it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
