The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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