and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
