You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I am naked and annoyed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
