Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
