After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
