We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
