I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
