i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think a kid would responsible me up
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
