Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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