His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
