I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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