Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
