Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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