I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
