I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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