My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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