i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
why does every cop we meet know your name?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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