guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
