Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
