I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
