And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
