it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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