the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
