If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
