Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
