I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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