i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize