I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
