Can i not drive my cunt home
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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