Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
