I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize