would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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