Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
