im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
