I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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