so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Randomize
