Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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