Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
