I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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