...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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