this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
