your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So squirting runs in the family.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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