i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
