If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
