man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize