A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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