I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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