I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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