want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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