When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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