question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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