Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
