he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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