As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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