My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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