Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
