oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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