I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize