if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Is it penis luge time yet?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
