I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Are my feet made of real feet?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
