he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
