someone get that fucking seahorse.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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