you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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