Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
