So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
