Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
