Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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