I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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