Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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